1000 Verses – a project of Judaism Resources

Who gets to decide that a verse is Messianic? You, or God?

Who gets to decide whether a verse carries a theological obligation? You, or God?

Who gets to decide whether a verse is prophetic, or narrative? You, or God?

Who gets to decide what happens if the Jewish people sin?  What happens if the Jews break the Covenant- and who gets to decide?  Who gets to decide whether the Jews are rejected by God?  Who decides what the Jewish people should do if they find themselves without temple, king, or land?  You, or God?

If it’s the reader who decides, let him say, with honesty and trustworthiness, “These verses don’t prove my worldview in the least.  After all, they’re just a personal interpretation. Obviously, my own interpretive choices cannot send anybody else to heaven or hell. However, it feels good to give this verse a double-meaning, like a clever pun, or a satisfying turn of phrase.”

If it’s God who decides, then I won’t claim a verse is Messianic, unless the verse claims to be. I won’t say a verse is prophetic, unless it says it is. I won’t say the verse is teaching us the nature of God, or how Man is to relate to God, unless the verse says it is.

This is why Orthodox Jews spread between 100s of communities, separated for 1000s of years, and speaking/dressing/eating in the diverse cultures that nurtured them, have IDENTICAL beliefs theologically. An IDENTICAL belief about what constitutes correct or incorrect thought (though we might disagree about what kind of wrong belief labels you a heretic).  What a neat trick!

But the secret to Jewish belief is easy.  We never made it up ourselves; we checked the word of God instead. (Is it just me, or is it hard to find 2 Protestant Churches where each believes the other isn’t eternally damned?)

Colors of a Wolf

When your spiritual leader turns out to be a fraud, you are a victim. Even if you were not the direct target of the leader’s abuse, but the betrayal of trust is devastating. You trusted this leader. You invested respect, power and financial support (in some cases, much more than that) and you now realize that you were conned. The feeling is devastating.

Part of what makes this situation so painful is the realization that the abuser used your energy to fuel his crime. The leader built his power base on the foundation of the respect and admiration that he deceived you into giving him. And he used that power to destroy lives and to bring darkness while you gave it to him for the purpose of building and spreading light.

There is a painful question that needs to be asked. Could I have known? Was there any way that I could have seen the colors of corruption through the veneer of holiness? Is there a method of identifying hypocrites so that I can protect myself and others?

I believe that the answer to this question is yes.

Indeed, if the abuser is extremely careful and hides the corruption that is festering in his heart, then it is very difficult to identify the problem. However, most predators do show their true colors. In some cases the veneer of holiness is more persuasive and in others less so, but the inner heart of self-centered iniquity is often on public display.

You just need to learn how to read it.   

The following is a list of behaviors that can help us identify abusive leadership. I am sure that this list is not exhaustive or entirely accurate, but I do hope that it serves as a starting point for this discussion. 

1 – Me, Me, Me

In the setting of a spiritually abusive leadership there will be an excessive focus on the personality of the leader. The positive qualities of the leader will be thrust into the minds and hearts of the following. This may be done in a subtle way, but it will be done. An outsider will generally find it odd when they encounter the disproportionate amount of attention given to the leader.

2 – Cosmic Mission

The mission of an abusive leader is seldom limited to his local neighborhood. In the mind of the followers, their leader is impacting the world or even the cosmos. And those who oppose the leader are seen as representative of cosmic evil. 

3 – No Questions Asked

Abusive leaders do not allow questions that may uncover their flaws. If a follower questions the leader’s word or deed that follower is quickly put in their place. They are told that they did not see what they saw (gas-lighting), they did not understand the leader’s actions and that they the mere fact that they allowed their mind to imagine negativity about the leader is a sign of their spiritual deficiency.

The leader expects his followers to trust him without questioning, to take his word on blind faith.

Once the leader is effectively outside of any critical scrutiny, an environment of one set of rules for the leader and another for everyone else is developed and maintained.

4 – Victimhood

Another tactic used by abusive leaders to deflect criticism is to play victim. Their self-sacrifice for the following or their difficult personal circumstances (real or imagined) are called upon in order to deflect any criticism. The critic is made to feel guilty for not appreciating the hardships of the leader’s life.

A byproduct of this abusive behavior is the creation of two scales of pain. With the leader’s personal life magnified in the hearts of the following, the personal life of others becomes smaller. The pain of the leader is sharp and acute in the minds of the flock while the pain of the individuals in the flock fades into the background.

5 – Heads, I Win; Tails, You Lose

The leader’s success is considered a sign of his or her greatness. Their failure is always the fault of others.

6 – The Hypocrites Across the Street

Abusive leaders often spend time and energy calling out hypocrisy and corruption amongst others. This conveniently lends the leader the spiritual aura of being above hypocrisy and corruption.

7 – Expect Disappointment

The abusive leader has no problem disappointing their following. Promises do not have to be kept and expectations do not have to be met. They are oblivious to the emotional investment that their followers have entrusted to them.

8 – Zero Tolerance

Abusive leaders may be understanding and forgiving when people violate laws in a way that doesn’t detract from their own standing. But there is absolutely no tolerance for violations that affect the leader.

9 – The Elect

When people see through the corruption of the leader and distance themselves from his following, the leader will be satisfied to keep a narrow following of people who are blind to his faults.

10- Pain

Where there is abuse there is pain. The career path of an abusive spiritual leader will leave wounded souls on the road behind him.

These are some of the behaviors of abusive leaders. Not every abuser displays all of these behaviors and these behaviors are often hidden behind a veneer of professed humility and friendliness. Some of these leaders are not as intense in their abuse as others and these behaviors will then not be as obvious. But if you see several of these behaviors in a given leader, your antennas should go up.

A Word to the Leader

You don’t have to be a sexual predator or a financial scammer in order to be an abusive leader. Even if you are clean from those sins, you may still be abusing the power your following has invested in you. In fact, there is no question in my mind that you are abusing that power, the question is only to what degree.

These may sound like harsh words, but they are directed first and foremost to me. I am a leader and I know that I am not perfect. God alone is perfectly righteous and all of His creations fall short of perfection. In the context of the human experience, righteousness in any given aspect of our personality is never a final destination. It can only be a journey.

 According to the prophets of the Hebrew Bible, justice is the foundation of spirituality (Micha 6:8; Jeremiah 22:16). And justice begins at home.

If you are a spiritual leader you have power in your hands. The respect that your position commands, private information that is entrusted to you, the expectation of true guidance that your followers hope to receive from you and so much more. The principle of justice demands that you never lose sight of the fact that these powers do not belong to you, but rather, they belong to the people who invested you with them. 

I have a few suggestions to make that will perhaps help you in your journey towards justice, because, again, it will always remain a journey. Never tell yourself that you have reached the destination of being perfectly just.

1 – Its Not About You

If you need to be told not to lift yourself up in the minds and hearts of your followers, then I am wasting my words. I will however tell you that even if you find your followers lifting you up in their own minds, try to minimize the damage. Try to keep your own personality out of the hearts of your followers and have them focus on more spiritual matters.

Find ways to empower your congregants so that they see their own spiritual strengths. Your goal should be that as time moves on they should be less dependant on you, and certainly not more dependant on you.

2 – Your Mission is the Wellbeing of the Men and Women Sitting in Front of You

Your mission doesn’t have to be cosmic in order to be important in God’s eyes. The heart of every individual human being is precious to God and bringing light to one human being is a glorious enough mission for any of God’s creations.

And by the way, not everyone who thinks differently than you is an agent of Satan. God created us to think differently from one another because His truth is never in the hands of one person alone. God’s truth is like a symphony that shines forth from the hearts of many.

This does not mean that you need to tolerate error and falsehood. It is your duty to call them out when you see them, but do so with humility, with the recognition that you are not fully in line with the truth yourself. Because truth, like justice, is never a final destination for man, it is always only a journey.

3 – The Path to the God of Truth Leads Through the Road of Honest Questions

The God of Truth encourages questions and if you see yourself as a representative of that God, you should find yourself doing the same. Why should someone trust you on blind faith? Why should someone see you as beyond reproach?

If you want your followers to grow in a spiritual sense, set an example for them in the realm of growing from criticism. Validate honest questions because the God who loves truth validates them as well.

This does not mean that you have to give free reign for disrespect, contentiousness, and open rebellion. But it does mean that you should generate an atmosphere that encourages and validates respectful questions even if they are uncomfortable to you.

4 – The Hardships of Your Own Life Are Not Part of Your Follower’s Spiritual Journey

As a general rule, your followers will not benefit from hearing about your victimhood. If you need to hold up an example of self-sacrifice and perseverance through hardships, find someone else’s life to point to.

Furthermore, the more space your victimhood occupies in your own heart, the less room there is for the pain of those under your care. And you should be doing everything in your power to maximize your sensitivity to the burden borne by your followers because that sensitivity is the very essence of a true shepherd. 

5 – Share the Success and Carry the Blame

If God blesses you with success find ways of sharing the credit. And if things don’t work out, use the opportunity to set an example. Show your followers how to utilize such an opportunity for introspection, correction and growth.

6 – We are all Hypocrites

If you find the need to call out evil in someone else, and sometimes that is the spiritual calling of the moment, please do it in a spirit of humility. It should never be something that you or your followers enjoy and it should not be the top item on your agenda. One of the wise Jewish teachers (Ba’al Shem Tov) taught that every failing that we see in someone else is a mirror of our own fault at least to some minimal degree. The following two verses from Scripture should never be far from your heart: “My sin is before me constantly” (Psalm 51:5); and “Who can say that I have purified my heart, I am cleansed from my sin?” (Proverbs 20:9).

7 – Keep Your Word

Your followers look up to you. They expect your word to carry more weight than the word of the average man. And if they joined your congregation, they have certain expectations from you.

It is your responsibility to try your fighting best to meet those expectations. You are human and you will never do a perfect job (- it is always a journey…). But never lose sight of the fact that it is your responsibility to try to meet those expectations. Your followers put power in your hands, and it will always belong to them, not to you.

8 – Justice and Charity

It is not easy to find the balance between justice and charity. But as a general rule, when you are adversely affected, the theme should be charity. Justice should be reserved for those situations where your personal benefit is not a part of the picture.

9 – The Outsider

Never lose sight of the fact that the outsider often has a better perspective of reality than the insider. If you block out the voices of those who don’t see things as you do, you will crash and fall. No human being sees everything. God put those other people in your world to help you see what you would otherwise be blind to.

10 – Ease the Burden

No one’s pain should be small in your eyes. If you ever cause pain, try to fix it. The Biblical apology consists of two lines; you were right and I was wrong (Genesis 38:26). No ifs ands or buts. And if you caused pain, ask yourself what you can do so as not to make the same mistake again.

You should put the physical and emotional wellbeing of those around you as the goal of your mission. You are here to lift them up and empower them. Your word should make their hearts lighter and your message should build and validate.

What Can I Do?

In conclusion I will just repeat what I wrote in the beginning. I am not putting forth my words as authoritative teaching (although that may be the tone). Please read my words as suggestions. I do pray that this article will facilitate the discussion surrounding this important topic and help clarify and concretize some of the concepts that are central to the dynamic of Spiritual abuse.

There are so many variants to each situation that I cannot imagine that there is a “one size fits all” solution to the problem, or that there is even a generic way of identifying and calling out the problem.

However, we can all benefit from raising awareness about the existence of the problem. Let us develop language and words that can help us wrap our minds around the issue. And let the conversation move forward. The amount and the weight of the scandals that have recently come to light have generated much conversation about the topic of abusive leadership.

Let the conversation continue. Because as we learn to separate justice from injustice and the shepherds from the wolves we move closer to the God who dwells with the downtrodden and the lowly of spirit (Isaiah 57:15).

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